Sex File: He acts like a robot in bed 

Sex File: He acts like a robot in bed 

My new boyfriend takes a formulaic approach to our sex life. He knows one way to give me an orgasm so sticks to that route every time. If I try to switch things up he seems uncomfortable and we end up back in the same old routine. I don’t know how to help him to be less robotic and more spontaneous.

Sex with a new partner can be a little like learning to swim. The first time you get in the water and can stay afloat by doing doggy paddle it is an absolute joy, but learning to swim properly is a nightmare. You have to unlearn everything you did naturally, in order to learn how to swim effectively. It’s the same with sex.

When you first get together with a new partner it is natural to do what you know (which is probably what your last partner liked). But at the beginning you don’t know what your new partner likes. He doesn’t know what you like either, so you’re both starting afresh together. Not everyone understands this. Some people – the more confident ones – think they know what you will like without asking you, while others are too shy to ask so just do their best. It sounds like this may be what’s happening to you.

This should be a lovely, exciting time as you literally “feel” your way through your new sex life together. Of course it doesn’t always happen that way in practice. At the beginning of a relationship, while you may know each other well enough to take all your clothes off and make out, you are not yet comfortable talking about what it is that you are doing.

My overriding message in all the advice I give is about the importance of communication. Your situation is a classic example of how people expect their sexual partners to intuit psychically what they want without talking about it. You’ve tried leading him into different positions but that didn’t work. I think you two need to have a good chat. This won’t be easy. It can be hard to assert yourself sexually, I understand that. But try, as doing so would help you to hold your ground and not allow him to revert to his “robotic” routine when you try to change the script.

The problem you describe is that your boyfriend has worked out how to give you an orgasm (great start), but he won’t try anything else. The reason he sticks to the thing that will deliver a predictable result is because he isn’t confident enough to risk swapping a certain outco

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